Eavesdropping Never Ends Well
by xXMoStIlLoGiCaLXx
Summary: Wes and David hear some disturbing things coming from Blaine's dorm room, and come to an interesting conclusion.


"For the love of God, Wes, hurry up!" David bellowed at his friend. He was fast climbing a large staircase, and Wes was creeping along like a damn snail.

"Shut up, David! What's the urgency?" Wes was trailing twenty stairs behind, not making a move to hurry his pace.

David paused on the top step and turned to glare down at the other boy. "The _hurry_ is that we have to see _Deathly Hallows _in exactly an hour, and I _don't_ want to be late. You're crazy if you think I'm going to be stuck in a crappy seat behind some ridiculously tall person where I can't even see the screen. No, Sir. So let's go round up Blaine and Kurt so we can leave already."

Rolling his eyes, Wes ran up the last few steps. "I don't know what the big deal is," he muttered. "This is the third time you're going to see it, so it's not like there's going to be anything new."

"You just don't understand the total awesomeness that is Harry Potter," David stated firmly as they came to a stop in front of Blaine's dorm room. "It doesn't _matter _how many-"

"Shh!" Wes interrupted. "Do you hear that?" He edged closer to the door, pressing his ear against the wood.

David was two seconds away from demanding to know what the hell Wes was on about when he heard it. There were grunts…and moans?…coming from behind the door.

His eyes widened. It sounded like…but no way, there had to be another explanation.

"Wes, what-"

"Listen!" Wes commanded, flattened against the door.

David crept closer in spite of the voice in his head telling him to back away because he might not like what he overheard. Isn't that the cardinal rule of eavesdropping, after all?

"_Blaine_," came Kurt's slightly muffled voice from within. "Stop pushing, it's not going to fit."

"Come on, of course it will," Blaine insisted. "Just stop wiggling."

Wes and David exchanged a look, their eyes both comically wide.

"I was trying to wiggle it _in._ But it doesn't even matter because it's too _big_ to fit in there."

The two eavesdropping were greeted with a fair bit more grunting and loud clangs from inside. David had about heard _enough _and was getting ready to run away while he still had his sanity intact, and just go see Harry Potter by himself. But unfortunately for him and his sanity, he couldn't seem to make his feet obey his mental command.

Wes, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content to stay and listen to whatever debauchery Kurt and Blaine were up to. He did look a little perturbed, but his love of fodder to tease Blaine with outweighed any concern he might have held for his-questionable-sanity.

"I can only _imagine_ what they're doing in there," Wes whispered, looking equally amused and nauseated.

"I don't _want _to imagine," he whispered back through clenched teeth.

"Then why are you still standing here listening?" Wes challenged, arching a judgmental eyebrow while grunts could still be heard through the too-thin door.

David looked scandalized. "I-I don't…I mean, I'm not…ugh. Nevermind."

Looking triumphant, Wes grinned. "See, you want to hear what's going on as much as I do. Now hush, so I can hear."

"Pervert," David muttered under his breath. Wes pretended not to hear him.

"Wait! Blaine, no," came Kurt's shrill voice. "Don't force it that way. That hurts!"

David sagged against the wall, still muttering to himself.

"Sorry, sorry. But it wouldn't have hurt if you didn't bend like that, silly," Blaine replied, his tone teasing.

"I had no choice but to bend that way. It's so big that that's the only way I could think of to get it to go in."

Blaine's low chuckle reached their ears. "Well, seeing as that didn't work, let me try it this way. You just relax and I'll push from the side, okay?"

"Oh God…" David groaned, putting his face in his palm.

"You like that, David?" Wes teased, enjoying his friend's obvious discomfort.

_Sadist. _

Snapping his head up, David glared fiercely. "You're _disgusting_, you know that? I think _you're _the one who likes it."

Wes just chuckled softly, rolling his eyes.

A loud groan and bang suddenly reverberated through the door, startling both boys.

"Ah," came Blaine's slightly out of breath voice, "there we go. That was a tight fit."

"No kidding. I'm still amazed we got it in at all."

"Well, I'm a man of many and varied talents, so-"

"Yeah, yeah, stop your bragging. Now come on, we have to go."

"Right. I'm _coming_."

"Wow, I'm so _sore. _I can only imagine how I'm going to feel tomorrow," Kurt groaned.

Wes grabbed David's arm and pulled him away from the wall. "I hear footsteps, let's move!" he commanded.

But they didn't get far before Blaine's dorm room was thrust open, revealing two slightly tousled boys.

Wes and David were standing right in the middle of the hallway, one looking pale and nauseated, the other wearing a guilty countenance.

Blaine looked confused. "Why are you two just standing out here?"

The two eavesdropping exchanged a quick look. "Uh, we were just coming to get you. You know, for the movie," David answered, trying to play it cool.

Nodding in agreement, Wes gave Kurt and Blaine an appraising look, taking in their ruffled appearance. "So," he drawled, "what were you two up to?"

David shot Wes an incredulous look, which he ignored.

"What do you mean?" Kurt questioned, giving Wes a weird look, mostly because Wes was eyeing them both with a strange gleam in his eye.

"Nothing! He means nothing," David interjected. 'We just, uh, heard some loud bangs coming from your room, that's all."

Blaine cocked a dark eyebrow at his friend. "Kurt was helping me move my bed closer to the window. We had a lot of trouble maneuvering it in place."

"Oh!" they chorused.

"You were…" David broke off, chuckling to himself in relief.

"Yeah, 'cause it kind of sounded like-Ow!" Wes got jabbed fiercely in the ribcage with David's elbow before he could finish his sentence. He glared, rubbing his tender side.

'Sounded like what?" Kurt drew his eyebrows together in confusion.

"Yeah," echoed Blaine, "what's with you two? You're acting even odder than normal, and that's definitely saying something."

Wes scoffed loudly in mock offense. 'How rude. But to answer your question, it sounded like you two fellows were making sweet, gay love."

Blaine's jaw dropped and Kurt's face turned an unattractive shade of maroon.

"What?" Blaine sputtered, hazel eyes wide. "Wh-why would you possibly _think _that?

David rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples tiredly. Wes was going to have to explain this one himself because he wasn't about to have any part in it. He already felt awkward enough without adding to it.

If he was embarrassed at all, Wes certainly had a good way of hiding it. "Well," he drawled, "his eyes flitting from one boy to the next, "there was the loud moaning and grunting, but what really solidified it was the dialogue."

"Dialogue?" Kurt squeaked, his face still obscenely red with embarrassment and horror.

"Yep, " Wes confirmed, rocking back on his heels and smirking.

"Wes!" Blaine growled. "What the hell-"

"Settle down, _Blainey Bear_, don't get your panties in a bunch," he teased, ignoring Blaine's furious expression. "Listen, the conclusion I came to was perfectly understandable based on what I heard, okay. No need to get uptight about it."

"Wes, man, drop it and let's just go," David murmured pleadingly.

"No can do, buddy," he answered with false sympathy. "I have to enlighten these two."

Kurt looked like he was praying for the floor to open up and swallow him whole, while Blaine had his arms crossed firmly over his chest and was glaring over at Wes.

"Now, it seems to me, that if one gay guy was talking to another gay guy about _pushing it in _and _it _being too big to fit, the only logical conclusion to come to is that they're getting it on. Or trying to; it sounded like you were having a little difficulty," he chuckled.

"Oh my God..." Kurt moaned into his hands.

"You..I-I don't believe you!" Blaine shouted, his face turning as red as Kurt's. "First of all, that's _not_ what we were doing. And second of all, why would you stand there and listen if you thought we were doing _that?_

Wes rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Well, if you _must_ know, at first I wasn't sure about what I was actually hearing. But after I figured it out, or so I thought, I just couldn't resist the chance to get material to tease you with. I'm a natural born jokester at heart and I just can't ignore my true calling," Wes bleated faux passionately, his hand situated over his heart.

"Wow," Blaine muttered, shaking his head, "I don't even know what to say to that."

"Can we _please_ forget about this and just go see the movie? _Please?_" Begged Kurt, whose blush had finally faded, but his traumatized look remained.

Blaine looked over at his boyfriend and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I think we definitely need a change of subject. So let's never mention it again."

"But-"

"No, Wes," Blaine insisted firmly, shooting his so-called _friend _a glare. "Never again."

"Fine, fine," He held his hands up in mock surrender. "Spoilsport."

"Come on," Blaine beckoned, taking Kurt's smaller hand in his. "Let's go see the movie before David shrivels up and dies from Harry Potter withdrawal."

David just smiled good-naturedly, pleased to be off the subject of gay sex.

"Well, I hope you learned your lesson about eavesdropping on people," Blaine stated as the foursome walked down the hallway.

"Certainly," Wes chirped. "Don't get caught next time."

"You're incorrigible, you know that? One of these days you're going to overhear something terrible and be in therapy for the rest of your miserable life."

"Can't wait," Wes grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "Come on, slowpokes, we're gonna be late."

Three slightly traumatized boys followed him out of the school, shaking their heads at their incurably insane friend. Sooner or later, Wes would learn that eavesdropping never ends well.


End file.
